Vietnam as Nammers Know It

January 13, 2006 

After a week in Ha Noi, I craved good coffee. This morning I asked my local friend, Xừ, to take me to a watering hole known for its coffee. He paused “well, I know a place…but how badly do you want this good coffee?”. I said “I am dying for something that doesn’t taste like burnt rice or sour candy”. When I said that, I really wish he hadn’t taken the “dying” part so literally.

Ten minutes and two accidents later, I found myself in front of #2 Hang Ca. Rows of motorbikes block most of the sidewalk (where the coffee “shop” is, of course). Unlike most sidewalk cafes, here you park your own bike, find your own little plastic chair (if there’s any left) and a space to put it. Another chair would act as a table. The place was packed. I noticed they all sat in groups. And I noticed there were a lot of beautiful women there, some dressed like they just got out of New Century or Titanic (two popular clubs in Ha Noi).

Hang Ca district, where they used to sell fish, now apparently offers gathering spots of local thugs, pimps, and hoes. Xu had taken me to the most popular one of them. Suddenly I found myself sitting, as these facts were whispered in my ears, between Mr. X and his 3 body guards, and Mr. Y sipping coffee with his two schoolboy-lookinng thugs with K-pop blond hair. Their girls sat nearby, checking SMS or checking out the guests. Xu and I ordered two “nau nong” (hot cafe sua da) and sat with back against the walls, feeling a little better about the prospect of being stabbed from behind. That sounds paranoid, but to fully appreciate the current less-than-controlled state of Northern gangs, we have to have a quick lesson on Vietnam’s contemporary mafia history.

Hai Phong, just a bit south of Ha Noi, was better known for its mafia families and gang. After Ms. Dung “Hà”, the overlord of Hai Phong gang, got whacked in broad daylight in 2000 as she ventured to establish new gambling zones in the South, things got a little chaotic in the Northern mafia families. The guy who ordered her execution turned out to be the Godfather of the South, Năm Cam. There was unity and peace for a short period in the North as there was one common enemy and war was declared. But before Ms. Dung “Ha” foot soldiers could get their revenge, Nam Cam and his 4 lieutenents got arrested and received the “dựa cột” sentence (nicknamed appropriately because the prisoner has to lean on a pole to be executed). Without its supreme ruler and external enemies, Hai Phong gangs went crazy to claim the throne, killing and maiming each other for the slightest offense. Weapons used are often hand-made machette, spears, guns and butcher knives. The 14, 15 year old kids who feel they are without a job and without a future became hired hitman for a small fees. They often do a really slobby job, hurting the wrong people a few times before getting to the right target. Hai Phong became too hot and too chaotic, so some of the kingpins have moved here, to Ha Noi.

And I am sipping coffee between two of them. I eyed the row of bikes, wondering how fast I could jump over them. Looking over at Xu, who was on his 3rd nerve-calming cigarette, I said “this coffee tastes good because it tells you you are are still alive.”

A black Camry arrived, its occupants looked out of the window a bit, then decided to move on. 5 minutes later, 4 men on motorbikes arrived, asking politely for 4 seats and 4 spaces for place them. Realzing the left and right spaces were taken by more sumpreme powers, they looked to the middle.

One asked for my space.

I was about to finish anyhow.

And the coffee wasn’t even THAT good.

For the 2 days and 2 nights I stopped by Đà Nẵng it did not stop raining. All hope to drink heavily under the sun and go swimming in Sơn Trà went down the drain. OK, not the drinking – I got united with some old friends from the States and some relatives. The seas rumbled and tumbled as we devoured heaps of clam and drank cold Heineken.

1. view from the hotel 2. Heineken and the seas 3. Exhibition closed 

1. the old man and the seas 2. Gift from the seas 3. workers in the rain and seas

my little nephew, whom I tricked into showing his “răng sún”

 Today in the bathroom I heard a pretty interesting conversation

 Man 1 (walked in, recognizing his 2 colleages): so, Sunday huh?

Man 2: yes, Sunday

Man 3 (paused for a few seconds): rồi, Chủ Nhật

Made me wonder what’s going down Sunday. But then I proceeded to finish my newspaper and did not think much more of it.

When you go to Ho Tay, you have to visit Pho Truc Bach just across from , where they are known for their Phở Cuốn – the Northern equivalent of Bánh Cuốn, only better (they made me say it!), chả Ngan (chả here is basically strips of Ngan meat grilled to a sizzling medium), and Phở chiên giòn that you eat with stirred fry beef and a type of baby spinach. Instead of a compliment to the chef, order a very cold Ha Noi beer and chuck it good.

Then to burn off some of the calories, take a walk along the lake…and make small talk with the fishermen. If you have a cigarrette to spare, you are already a friend.