Vietnam as Nammers Know It

  “Lạy cậu, con là Nguyễn Văn Hải, quê Nam Định…dịa chỉ là…thôn…Xã, chồng của…. Con cầu mong cậu tha nỗi cho con năm kia con đã không mang đổ lễ để tế cậu như ý nguyện. Nhưng năm nay con nên đây không phải để cầu cho cá nhân con. Xin cậu chứng giám cho bà chị con nà Phạm Thị…quê…địa chỉ nà…lạy cậu độ trì cho chị con được mụn con trai vào năm Đinh Hợi lày.”

  Tired, ragged looking, and hair sticky with mud, you stand there amidst the thousands of pilgrims in the dark, damp cave, waiting for your turn to touch the stone pillar that’s supposed to bless you with a son (farther in the corner are the pillar that will bless you daughter, and the money tree). To complete your Chua Huong experience - because climbing over that short-cut mountain with rocks falling on your head hadn’t killed you - you too would start to believe in the magical power of faith. Between you and the ultimate examples of Vietnamese superstition are about 2000 equally tired fortune-seeking people. The man from Nam Dinh had been citing his detailed prayer for 5 minutes, including street addresses and all. One hand holding firm onto the rock, the other trying to block the wave of people trying to put their own offerings onto the tiny altar, he pressed on:

“Nạy cậu, Con đã bảo gia đình lội ngoại nàm 1 con heo sữa để tạ cậu nếu được công thành ý toại…Nay con có tí nễ vật gọi nà…Gồm có…” 

 As his religious concentration peaked, the man behind him grew out of patience: 

 ”Đ.M. cầu khấn cái gì mà lắm thế!” he blurted out, causing a wave of relieved laughters. I was one of the people laughing…”don’t forget email addresses!” 

 This was the result of a rough 5-hour-pilgrimage to Hương Tích cave. To stand here, among the filth of smashed fruits, incense wrappings, and fake $100s…to smell the chewable-thick incense smoke, to hold on to your big wad of VND200 offering…and to know for sure, there would be no other place on earth like this place. The song “hôm nay em đi chùa Hương” suddenly sounded like a parody in your head.

  Chua Huong is kocated 60 Kms from Ha Noi, on the top of a fog-covered mountain in Ha Tay province. When the great king Tran Nhan Tong built the pagoda within Huong Tich cave, he purposely picked a rough locale…and built no road leading to it – so that ordinary laymen then, and fat tourists now, can not get to it.

  After a 2-hour bus ride through the countryside, the road turns red and muddy – you are near the river. Try to ignore the “cò” men on bikes racing to offer you discounted tickets. VND 45,000/ticket at the official booth would also cover ”đò” (the metal boat which will get you to the foot of the mountain). Btw, if you have to use the restroom, now would be a good time (trust me, you’d want to avoid doing “business” anywhere else later). Walk 10 mins to the dock, where you would be overwhelmed by the number of rusted metal boats. They all have ”protectors”, men who would ask you for tip when you want to leave. Try not to fight them…rather, negotiate. For example, VND 100,000 would be reasonable as tip for both người lái đò, and the “đầu gấu” who would stay behind to watch your car, bikes, etc.

  Hopefully without bloodshed, you push the other boats aside for a chance to get to the waterway. Between you and the river is a layer of rusted metal no thicker than 1 CM. Rowing our boat is a small-framed girl that refused to let any of the passengers take over. The scenery along the banks will wow you – and this is also the best part of the whole trip, so enjoy it. Make friends with the boats around you (you can shake their hands).

  I am certain back in the day, the great Kings could not have imagined that one day their descendants would be exchanging pictures between boats via bluetooth:  “Ỡ bên ấy có bờ-lu-tút không, mình chụp hình thuyền bên ấy rồi gửi sang nhé”.

 Along the river, you will see many of the 99 mountains that are shaped like kneeling elephants, all facing the Pagoda except for 1. Legends have it this elephant was not a believer, so he got his ass chopped off – you can’t mistake this mountain, really.

 When the water gets clearer (Bến Trong), you are near the source of the river, or the bottom of THE mountain. From far away, you will see the rows of tents acting as restaurants and gathering spots for pilgrims. Getting closer to the dock, you will be surrounded by thousands of metal boats…again, don’t try to be a hero and stick your hand out to help push the other boats away. You will need those fingers for the climb later.

 And what do these roadside restaurants, which service devoted pilgrims to some the most sacred Buhddist temples in Vietnam, all have in common? They all sell dogmeat, thịt chó…with the entire carcasses hanging in front of each establishment.

 The ironies, my friend, have only just begun.

 Nhân dịp năm mới Đinh Hợi, Phố thân chúc bạn bè gần xa năm mới nhiều sức khỏe và thành công, gia đình ấm cúng, hạnh phúc!

1. Shopping for food, new clothes at Big C. Leave plenty of time at the check out and don’t let anyone squeeze in line. Also, don’t take pictures, or you will be beaten…in my case – almost got beaten.

2. Shopping for flowers to decorate your house and altar. That’s by younger bro’s classic Vespa.

3. Go visit and pay respect to ancestors at the cemetary, light an incense, bring flowers…In my case, I also lit a few cigarrettes for those passed relatives who smoked, like Uncle Sau. This past year, the Huynh clans lost 4 of its members…one of them was my grandma.

BTW, this is what the peanut plants look like. Peanuts are not “nuts” who grow on trees like chestnuts – they are more like enlarged roots.

4. Drink something with alcohol, anything.

(1) “Hoa cuc” in front of the Nha Hat Thanh Pho and the famous Caravelle hotel (2) Tet is coming (3) Sunwah tower, view from Oscar hotel (4) view from the 11th floor – as you can see the annual flower showcase’s being set up on Nguyen Hue streets